I Saw A Beautiful Soul.

The scorching sun shone fiercely that fateful Tuesday. I had to go to the bank quickly. The driver pulled up at the bank, I adjusted my outfit tucking in my blouse,sucking my bulging tummy in as I ran my fingers through my hair to flatten it out. The stench at the bank was toxic to the point of slight shortness of breath. I reached into my bag and got out my hand lotion, as I rubbed both palms together, I looked towards my right and saw this cashier. She was something but not from a magazine. Her hair looked like inter-twined jute bags buried in the earth. From where I stood I saw the brown flaky clusters at the corner of her head. She had no weight anywhere, malnourished-looking.Her skin was terribly dark and unappealing like the descriptions of the nomad in Cyprian Ekwensi’s “The Passport of Mallam Ilia”. No matter what lotion she managed to pamper her skin with, I was most certain it would never glow.Her fingers, oh! her fingers were shrivelled looking, fragile and totally unhealthy. Her nails looked terribly unkempt, unpainted and generally not a sight to behold.

It got to my turn and I saw her dentition protruding like they were gasping for breath. What came to mind was the image of the first man I had seen in my younger years at school.I wondered how in  heaven’s name this work of art gained employment with such a reputable bank. I was so confused as I stared at her.

Then I saw it.  On her 2nd finger, left hand, a wedding band. HOW? NOT POSSIBLE. WHAT????She’s married? Interesting. There I was thinking Ruby woo was the perfect shade for my lips, Colgate was the best tooth paste for my fragile dentition and Shea moisture was the perfect body soap. There was someone an arms-length away from me who probably doesn’t use any of these items but is soooo married. I couldn’t understand it. I looked puzzled as she assisted with my transaction but I left the bank fully aware of the awesomeness of God. She was God’s creation, His child, His daughter. She was perfect in God’s eyes and she was married. MARRIED. And here I was thinking my current state of being unmarried is probably from the village (na so ). Truth be told, the Holy Spirit answered me saying ” she has a beautiful soul“. And I agree 100%. She was perfect to her husband to the point he knelt down on one knee and gave her a ring. She was perfect to the point that he didn’t need to bail on her at the altar. She’s desirable to him and they probably have kids as evidence. Her husband wakes up every morning to this sight every day. Then why waste so much time and money dressing the outward rather than adding value to the inward. We spend so much time hunting for how to attract a man with our outward and forget most of the time, what keeps a man is what is within. 1Peter 3:3-4 says- Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight”. We’ve heard or read this part of the scripture countless times but never take out time to digest and apply it. A question comes to mind, how do we become beautiful within? And how do we keep at it? Isaiah 28 v 5 , claims the only way to be truly beautiful is to have God’s glory  upon us. When His glory is bestowed upon us, we have no choice but to go about ‘doing good’. If we share God’s love to one another, we are automatically reflecting outwardly, what is on our inside- Isaiah 52 v 7.

God’s love is so beautiful even though our hearts be cloaked in sin, he still finds us attractive. Attractive enough to bless us over and over again.

So as a single lady, I decided to take a step back and reflect on certain past actions and now I’m begging God to make me beautiful on the inside. God loves me even when I do wrong and push Him away. No mortal can love like this. That’s the idea of a perfect relationship. I have to be attractive to God, my lifestyle should speak God and attract Him to bring blessings my way and get me to do His bidding..Yea, quite a number of people go “you ‘re so beautiful” / your skin is lovely / you are hot etc. I don’t want it to end there… I’m more than that.

I wanna be seen as wise, patient, kind(this is such a huge task bearing in mind my degree in sarcasm and being a meanie), soft spoken,resourceful , prayerful, etc and prove God right to my peers who think beauty starts from the South American hair and end with the Gel-nail polish. I want to meet a man and have him say ‘Have you heard my babe speak” and not “have you seen my sexy babe“.  It had always been the other way round where I have to show cleavage, the human hair, wear heels, red lipstick (an addiction) to gain a man’s interest. For how long do you want to do this and ignore character building.

Make your single years count. Be closer to God like your life depends on it. Acquire the beauty expected of you so when that dude comes along, he can fulfill scriptures because he would have found a ‘good thing‘ and favor is his.

I have incredible friends now, who don’t know how much they’ve touched me in such a short while every Wednesday (currently my favorite day of the week). With their help, I know better now. So today I’m starting a daily prayer -(pray it if you can) “Lord, take away my outward  beauty and illuminate my inward beauty so the right man will see me,genuinely fall in love( real love WITHOUT SEX) and would not have to wait for so long before he asks me to be his forever. I will trust you. I would not scream at you Lord in the name of prayer, I would no longer cry at night, I will trust you. Help me to trust you(is it possible Lord to still have my yellow skin? Juz’ asking)… I will trust your decision . So help me God”.

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WHEN MEN HOVER AROUND WOMEN

So this is what being in your 30s looks like. This is what it means to thoroughly think through decisions and make only the ones that would affect me positively through the coming years. Now I think of the kind of men that could be coming, the kind of men that I dated and the kind of men that are around me now. The men around me now seem more mature than the men I met while in my bloody 20s. My thoughts though! For real, the men now want the same thing: Sex, Sex, Sex and more Sex. They come up with different tactics to get this. Just one or two that probably want a relationship but then they get impatient and jet-out leaving you wondering what their intentions were in the first place.
These days my hormones seem to be all over the place and with palms to my cheeks I wonder why it’s harder to find a good man to be with in my 30s than my bloody 20s. The nights have become lonely with tears of me wanting the breath from a strong, handsome man down my neckline and back. Hands around my waist assuring me that tomorrow will be a better day or just a call to that ‘beautiful man’ nagging about my work, my annoying sisters or my best friends. If there’s one thing I have come to notice, at 30 a lot of men will hover around you and leave you to time and chance. They let you think something must be wrong with you by being mute about their intentions towards you. Then you take these men unconsciously with you through your 30s and before you know it, BAAAAM!!! 40! And very much single.

I met this guy I’ll refer to as ‘Mr O’ .  A tall, handsome, single man with an Einstein brain for making money. He’s everything a girl could ask for and a bag of Chips but he’s a very stereotyped Igbo man. Only a few would understand his person. You can’t tell Mr.O to try something new, he would give you 7 reasons why his choice stands. Strange that someone as uptight as Mr O can have a healthy sense of humor. Strange. The problem with Mr.O is, he is very slow and meticulous. He takes his time in studying people and most times I feel like I’m under his microscope waiting for various experiments to happen to test my patience. Many months have gone by and I wonder why he hasn’t stepped a foot forward to ask me out. What could he possibly be looking for in me? And if I wasn’t his type, why won’ he just free me and move on to the next woman?

Another one, ‘Yoruba guy’ who doesn’t know what to do with me cos we are so much alike. Yoruba guy is another fine, smart, single dude. The social media guy. One I can totally date but being so much alike, we quarreled a lot. The chemistry is amazing but we both know nothing can come out from our union. Someone might just die (LOL) but he won’t GO!!! Why? It’s beyond me.

Then there’s ‘Slim‘, who left me for another girl his heart yearned for. Things having not worked out between them got him back in my nest and I have no idea what he wants now.

Oh yea!! The shy ‘Business man’ who’s in love with me but finds it hard to express himself……

Geez!!!! Don’t get me wrong, I feel there’s more for me out there and not necessarily any one of the male scenarios up there but in a situation whereby I have these men around me, I can only ask in pidgin English- “How I wan see road’? How do I see others out there? How do I meet THE ONE? Could any one of these men be the chosen one? Why do men hover around women without saying what they want? They just want to be there and act like they are already in a relationship with you without your knowledge. They tell you things like Hey Baby, I miss you , Let’s take each day as it comes, Let’s start as being good friends, Why haven’t you replied my pings all day , You have gone cold suddenly, I like you a lot , And you would make a good wife o ….  Life would be a lot easier if men stated their intentions and women respond according. Don’t waste her time hovering around like a monkey and unconsciously confusing the next man who might have better intentions. Quit making her feel like she’s yours when you’ve done nothing to make her yours. Own her. STEP FORWARD, SPEAK OUT,state your case. What’s the worse that she could say- YES or NO? While I’ve decided to wait for the one whose heart and mine will beat as one, I will begin the week by getting rid of the male-hovers around me. All of you must go. In case you fall under this category, speak now and let me give you my final answer. You might think Age is nothing but a number but someone also said-Time waits for nobody.  I rest my case.

 

IN PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS…….

 

🎵🎵”It’s the most wonderful time of the year🎄”……… Hello loves❤! It’s been a while right? Well, I’m doing fine. A lot has happened to me and I’m taking time out to pat myself on the back👍✋ After the break up, I thought I was gonna be sad forever and ever but heyyyyyyyy, I don’t know what Jesus took away but he sure gave me JOY. My pastor preached all through the month of November on JOY and I can say I have contacted it*hoots* . its december and there shouldn’t be any room for sadness oooo…. say NO to SADNESS biko! So I picked up a new interest and hope to transform it into a money making venture come 2014. Wanna know? Of cos I’d tell you.. My loves, that is how I decided to learn how to make and style hair but am still at 100level. I know some of us know how to weave but yours truly didn’t know at first so I used to 👀 this woman who comes to braid my sister’s hair and I went on YouTube to further understand this phenomenon of weaving. I’m trying, not yet there but eventually. I give myself till March to be a pro☝by God’s grace. Ok, what else haven’t I told you…. I got a JOB! It’s every Saturday though but it’s gonna increase this week. I got a job to be an Aerobics/Dance Instructor at a gym somewhere in Lekki(Nigeria)… It’s been fun. On my 1st day I expected to see 10 people but God sent 25 lovely women to the gym and it was maaaaad fun. I have been trying to get back my size 6 shape(with Jah all things are possible)😇…. Starting a class for kids too. It’s not the kind of Job I want but I know God is working something out for me. I am grateful. 2014 is gonna be AWESOME!!! I’m saving up for my birthday.
 
I ve decided to spend my birthday(Jan4) ALONE, having dinner at Four points or Oriental with a bottle of red wine, chocolate cakes and selfies(pics of me).. no man is invited, no thoughts of sex or any male related wahala(including menstrual pain) will be entertained. It’s gonna be a selfish day, why? Cos I deserve it💃…. Will update you don’t worry. Anyways, I still feel I should encourage some of us out there who are yet to find their Mr Right👤 don’t worry, the right man for you will come and when he comes,he will stay with you regardless. Be strong, don’t be pressured by the society which sometimes include Church/friends, live your life and be happy with whatever decision you make just as long as it doesn’t hurt you and doesn’t take you away from God’s presence. Also remember, I am not married yet, I don’t have a boyfriend but I have Christ. I don’t want to sound so spiritual and unrealistic but I would tell the truth, God has a way of lifting our heads(single chics), he hasn’t forgotten us. Sometimes at night when I feel so lonely and haven’t received a single call the entire day, I go to God and pray. The tears 😩 come but I feel like I hear God say ‘its done my child just be patient’ and he shuts my mouth and sends me to sleep. I know what you’re going through cos I’m in it. Trust God, the ‘Abraham-kinda-trust’ and everything good WILL come eventually. Don’t compromise, get busy. Restrain yourself from scrolling through your phone book and looking for that Ex that will give you hard rough sex😒😏🙈🙊……of what use will the rough,nail marks kinda sex be if he’s not serious about you. You will know the right man, cos he will stay ‘regardless’…..Until my next post, let my beautiful happy face inspire you to live life happy and full of JOY…..😘
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Thelma