Thermochic’s Diary(pt1)

Have you ever been in a relationship and you still feel lonely? Well! Yours truly, is on that boat now and it’s not funny. Geez! Who said dating Babe would be easy? My sister and close friend of 10 years got married two Saturdays ago and at some point at the reception, I asked myself the following questions:

– Is Babe really, really, really,really the man for me?
– did I really get my conviction?
– will he propose?
– how long will it take him to?
– when will the wedding be?
– are we really going to be Mr&Mrs soon?

Funny questions you say? Be honest, you ve asked yourself one or more of these questions,right?Anyways,As the party went on, I smiled as I watched my friend Uche hold her hubby and I remembered I was there right from the very beginning of their journey. At this point, I remembered how It all began between Babe and I. It’s 10months now and it’s been a crazy ride. Having to deal with his excesses and he with mine. You see, when we started dating we agreed that we would date for a year. Not a year and a month or a year and an hour, a year on the dot. At this point we would sit down and talk about the future,either he proposes(with a ring or by church standards). (It may not work for you but it’s my arrangement) Yours truly isn’t ready for another Methuselah courtship😠.Despite the desire for a ring,I ask myself this- ‘Am I ready to settle down’?Am I ready or am I being harassed by my biological clock, family and society(which includes church). I remember what a man of God told me, “whatever your fiancé is to you now, he will be 10 times that in marriage”…. So here comes one of my worries. Being with a love language such as QUALITY TIME, these days Babe seems so busy for me😩. All through this month, we haven’t even sat down to talk for an hour. How can I make him understand that I need his attention without seeming selfish or like a nag? I love me some attention from my man. if you don’t give me this, i’d cocoon up and be moody forever(lol). Can i accept this when we get married!?Uurrrgghhhhh!!!! This right here is ONE of the reasons women cheat, LACK OF ATTENTION. I miss Babe a whole lot but i somehow console myself by saying ‘ I have me a good man’😍 I know this because of the bible verse ” by their fruits you shall know them”😊 I ‘m gonna sit out September and watch what October brings,most especially how Babe atones for lost time😏 One thing for sure though is, this is a test. How we handle this determines how we’ll handle issues in the future(I mean MARRIAGE). Will I conquer them? By God’s grace. Will it make me mentally and emotionally ready for marriage? I don’t know.

NB: Babe! You still rock ooooo. Just had to blog about it so you know how serious I am.😆

Cheers!

 THE MAY 18 EXPERIENCE Eighteen days after my first

 

THE MAY 18 EXPERIENCE

 

Eighteen days after my first stage play and I’m just releasing this post. Don’t mind me, BABE got me to fix my nails for the first time and I have been finding it difficult to type, ping, wear jewelry, itch my legs and the list goes on. Things we do to please men {LoL}. Finally took them off yesterday now I’m free {wipes brows}. Back to the matter. Eighteen days after my first stage play

 

THE COUNSELOR’S NOTES and I’m still in awe of what God did for me. God was just AMAZING {standing ovation}. When I used to write poems from God when I was 5years old, I never knew He was preparing me for a colorful future. I remember when it dawned on me that I could write, it was 3weeks to my second semester examination and I walked into Creative writing class for the first time. My lecturer gave me this look of disgust and felt he was doing me ‘strong thing’ by telling me to write a short play and submit by 5pm. Ladies and gentlemen, I wrote a play with seven scenes and submitted by 2pm. Yep! I’m bad like that {Lol}. I scored 5points and that was the only 5points scored in my entire stay at the university {shrug}. In 2011, I would sit with my Partner and tell him of my many ideas for my play and he would say the most encouraging words and the days would just go by. I actually have written scripts here and there but I never staged anyone, this was my first production. I wrote THE COUNSELOR’S NOTES, showed my partner and he encouraged it greatly. We talked about possible choice for cast and I approached them; the married, the 9-5,the décor chic, the events guy, the introvert, the make-up artiste, the outreach guy, the crazy chic, the teacher and the student.. They all agreed and went by the name THE MOVEMENT and all made rehearsals which lasted almost three months. Amazing team! I didn’t know how I was going to make rehearsals every week cos I lived too far away had no job or money but God surprised me and his grace was more than sufficient. I made every rehearsal and so did the rest of the team. It was always a mushy experience for me at rehearsals cos I couldn’t help but think that the cast all came for rehearsals because of something I had written. I had never seen anything through to the end before and it was scary at some point cos I thought I won’t see this project through to the end. My partner and I began working and sending out letters and people responded. One man gave us money in $$$$ and I was so SHOCKED but that was proof that God’s hand was with me. May18, 2013 came and the attendance, reviews and all were more than on point. People were so touched. I got emails, text messages, tweets and all about the play. God surprised me and like I always say ‘GOD KNOWS HOW TO TREAT A LADY“. I saw my Dad, Sis and her husband walking into the venue and I stood tall and excited that I had family around although I wasn’t sure if my dad would like the play since it was about dating and all {Lol}. From the acting I saw that day, I knew it was just a matter of a few years before I meet TYLER PERRY.

Geez!!! I love Tyler Perry’s BRAIN. Great guy and a great mentor. I have all of Tyler Perry’s movies, series and stage plays even to their scripts {too much?} One day, Tyler and I would write a play and direct it together, remember this post when that happens. AMEN! I know THE COUNSELOR’S NOTES will be a blessing to a lot of people, I can’t wait to go on tour with it. Guess what? The script is a TRUE STORY, my story. {You will be reading more stories in months to come. Remember

 

MY LIFE, YOUR LEARNING POINT} THE COUNSELOR’S NOTES is a play about the good and bad times in relationships. It x-rays three couples specifically who turn to a counselor for help but she is unable to solve their issues and seeks PASTORAL help. Let me break it down for you. The First couple- KEN & ABI: lovely couple but Ken couldn’t commit let alone say ‘I love you’ to Abi even after five years of dating. All he kept telling her was ‘I care about you’. Familiar? {LoL} The second couple- ZARA & NAETO: Zara is the ‘accomplished’ one while Naeto is the unemployed-frustrated-now violent-one who beats her up whenever. Familiar? WAIT! The third couple- TASLIM & OLLY: perfect couple except for the fact that Tas is a Muslim and Olly a Christian who’s being threatened by Tas’ family. Who will convert? Now you see that you missed out on the play? Anyways, you can book your copies just send an email to mailthemovementinfo@gmail.com. Ladies it’s time to x-ray your relationship, don’t die in it, stand tall in Christ Jesus. So it’s official, I’m a playwright on a mission. Praise God! My next stage production is in November 2013, will keep you posted. Before my appreciation can I say that everyone was created for a purpose and until you discover it, you’ll keep going round in circles. May God help us discover, live and sustain our vision and may he bring us vision helpers always. AMEN!

                                                   

 

APPRECIATION

THE MOVEMENT

(Cast)

TOSIN LEBILE- The most dedicated. Never missed a day. Thank you so much. God bless you

BUSAYO OLUDAYO- World traveller. You did more than great. God bless you

YOMI SOLANKE: Crazy guy! I appreciate your commitment. God bless you too.

AMAKA ANOLUE- Over dedicated friend. A strong believer of the vision. God bless you

GBENGA OGUNSHAKIN- My amazing friend and partner, you were a good pillar of support. God bless you

ETTA BASSEY- Fantastic friend and actress. Love you

OPE ONI- I love your commitment. Beautiful actress of Life. God bless you

PETER SANI- Thank you for your patience and commitment. God bless you.

KENNIE ADEMOYEGA- I still think you don’t need a mic when acting. Actress of life. Well done.

ESTHER DICKSON- God will reward your commitment and dedication dear.

THE MOVEMENT

(Crew)

DEMOLA- You know how we roll…*hi5* thank you bro

CHUKS- you came through for me as always

UCHE ANYANWU- Stage manager of life!!!!!Wonderful sister of Life. God bless you.

A BIG THANK YOU TO- MI, LOLO, RU BY, FAITHBOND, OPEN TEETH AND TESTIMONY HOUSE CHOIR. TO ALL THOSE WHO CONTRIBUTED FINANCIALLY AND IN KIND, ALL I KNOW IS, GOD WILL SURPRISE YOU ALL. TO MY SPIRITUAL FATHER- PASTOR BUKOLA DAVID OLANREWAJU, MY SPIRITUAL MENTOR- EVANGELIST AUSTIN ALUEVBOSE, AND MY BUSINESS MENTOR- MR DAPO AJENIYA

.

Finally (wipes bows) – My wonderful, handsome, supportive BABE. God bless the day I opened my eyes {you know what I mean}. I can imagine the future with you. I love you BABE. Thank you for ‘every’.

OK! I’m done

“LOVE HIS LANGUAGE”

ImageHAPPY NEW YEAR FRIENDS!!!!!

Amazing things have happened to me since my last post, Family, Spiritually, with close friends, projects, relationship. Yes! I said RELATIONSHIP. I’m in a relationship with a fine young man. It’s been an amazing journey but I remember the prayers

I made to God before he came along. I practically nagged God ‘cos I told him how
lonely I was and reminded him that he created me with so much emotion. I was
so lonely I started talking to myself every night. God must have been so tired of
my prayers and my guardian angel soliciting for me that he had no option but
to bless me. I’m sure my ‘BABE’ won’t want me spilling the story of how we began
dating but it’s been a strange and refreshing journey because I thought I loved in
the past but now I know I didn’t. I know what love is. Love is a VERB. Don’t get me
wrong here please! I don’t want to sound like I have everything on relationship
all figured out, I am learning just the same way as you are. I have come to realize
that God channels his love through different people, so BABE is simply channeling
God’s love to me. There I was wondering if I could find someone that would love
me and If I could love again after all that went down last year*Sigh* God played
a fast one on me and I’m enjoying it. Even if things don’t lead to marriage with
BABE and me, I know deep down in my heart what love is and wouldn’t settle
for less in my next relationship. I guess the most difficult thing in a relationship is
knowing each other’s LOVE LANGUAGE. Thanks to Gary Chapman the author of
5 LOVE LANGUAGES (please get this book), I know how I should show love and
most importantly how to receive it. Yea! Yea! We know Love is kind, patient, and
so on, BUT we should know how to love that MAN of ours in these modern times
if we want to keep him. Have you taken out time to study his LOVE LANGUAGE?
Just in case you do not know what Gary Chapman means by LOVE LANGUAGES,
it means those things we need the other person (in a relationship or marriage) to
do, to prove to us that we are loved. The 5 Love languages are PHYSICAL TOUCH,
QUALITY TIME, GIFTS, WORDS OF AFFIRMATION, And ACTS OF SERVICE.

It is important that we learn this early so it’s not too foreign, not too difficult
and not too late for us in marriage. These love languages are for both Men and
Women but this post is for the dudes.

PHYSICAL TOUCH: He’s driving or you both are walking along the beach or your
street, hold his hand, touch his face, and give him occasional pecks, regular hugs,
playful punches ….. It may not mean anything to you but to him he feels you are
thinking of him or you can’t just do without him (even if you probably can). It
sends an emotional signal only he understands. It’s a continuous process ladies
and not a one week practice.

QUALITY TIME: take him out for lunch or dinner. Go visit with popcorn and a
movie, go swimming, join him in watching soccer or play basket ball with his
friends, take him to the beach for a sandy stroll by the shore… Be creative. If you
cannot do this in your relationship, you’ll find it difficult in marriage. Let’s stop
being selfish divas.

WORDS OF AFFIRMATION: Some men grow up feeling not good enough for
their parents. Like everything they did never pleased them. The need to be
appreciated beckons reason why when they are in a relationship, they want to
be appreciated for every efforts made. So get off your high horses women and
use words like ‘You did great’, ‘that was amazing’, ‘you are brilliant’, ‘I appreciate
you’, ‘I love the way you….’, ‘ you are the greatest’(even if he’s not). Make his ego
feel a lot better by these words. Give him a daily dose of this and watch what he
does for you.

ACTS OF SERVICE: Personally I think this particular language cannot be that of a
Nigerian man (lol) and it is more of a woman’s language than a man but let me
just say what It entails. There are men who want you to do certain things for
them to show you love them. Take out the trash, clean up the house, the kitchen,
help him shop, make a nice meal help with bank errands and all… Those who
have this language need to see (literally) the love you have for them. My problem
with this particular love language is that some men take advantage of this which
automatically makes the woman in question an EKAETTE (local house help).

I would send packing any Nigerian man who has this love language (or maybe
not…Lol)

GIFTS: This love language is not for us alone. We live in an era where only the
guys do the buying of the gifts- Christmas, New Year, Birthday, Valentine, Easter,
worker’s holiday, independence day etc. That’s just not fair. Get him a gift just
because you love him on a rugged Monday morning. A gift shouldn’t be expensive
so don’t say you don’t have money. I know we can go overboard when we want
to buy stuff for the men in our lives but we can go low key with T-shirts, wrist
band, socks, after-shave, pedicure set, belts, books, cufflinks ….. Just give him
something that would make him know you think of him. Remember ladies, ‘GIVE
and it will come back to you’. Practice this monthly or weekly, according to your
pocket. Don’t overdo it so you don’t go broke. Please.

Ladies, take out time to study him and find out what his love language is and work
it out in peace and purity of heart and body. Guide him tenderly in knowing your
own love language too. We all need our love tank to be filled by the primary love
language that best describes us so don’t love him in your own language but his.
Not all men interpret SEX to be their primary love languge. OK? It will take a while
but be dedicated in working it out. Don’t do it because you want to keep him, do
it because it will help you communicate better in a relationship regardless of who
the dude is. When you learn to speak love languages that you are not necessarily
comfortable with, you are showing a form of selfless love that speaks for itself. It
shows you are genuine and your love is real. I am still in the process of learning
BABE’s Love language and MY GOD! It is hard because it’s not something I can
easily do. We both grew up without toys and while he wants to be pampered, I
want to be left alone (crazy huh?). I have to learn to love BABE selflessly, not for
him but for myself. It gives me a glimpse of how God loves me. Let’s us all try and
love differently this year, a love that is NOT selfish but selfless, a love that isn’t
just in words but in ACTION, a love which isn’t a NOUN but a VERB. I’m ready, are
you?

Say NO TO METHUSELAH COURTSHIP

When this topic hit me early this morning, I laughed at myself because I knew my friends would say ‘thermochic has come again’. Indeed I have. For those who don’t know Methuselah, he was Noah’s grandfather,the oldest man in the bible who lived for 969years. Adding courtship right after grandpa Methuselah will give you a better understanding of what this post is all about. Courtship is and should be the coming together of a man and woman who just made a commitment to themselves to walking down the aisle and live as Man and wife. I do not know how courtship is done around the world as I am not well travelled,don’t have foreign friends and don’t believe the Mills and Boon stories however, I am aware of how it’s done in my country- Nigeria. What I see these days are women prematurely tied down and emotionally spent in their relationships of more than 4years. I, personally believe that a man who can walk up to a girl and state his intentions for a relationship knows already if she is a wife ‘fabric’ or not. What I see these days are relationships going as far as 7,8,9,10years. My sister(now married) dated her husband for almost 13years,by the 13th year they were married. At some point they had a misunderstanding and her husband(boyfriend back then) called off the relationship, my sister attempted suicide. Silly girl!! Her words were “Where would I start from?” “Who would marry me in my 30’s?” And she was just 31 when it happened. I hate to think that there are still girls who are so comfortable and happy celebrating 9years of being some guy’s GIRLFRIEND. Why put yourself through all that emotional drama? Some girls are frustrated but cannot do anything but stay put there in uncertainty. I won’t talk about sex in a relationship that has been on for 7years because I know for sure you both are getting ‘some’ but know this,that the guys who put their girlfriends through this are selfish, self centered and self seeking. You hear the guys use words like ‘don’t worry very soon’ or ‘ I will marry you,don’t worry’ WHEN? Is it when she’s in her mid 30’s or early 30’s? At that stage if the relationship doesn’t work out,the girls are either suicidal or depressed. This is the part where all the religious houses become filled up with spinsters in late 30’s. Why date a girl for 8/9years? What exactly aren’t you sure of? For me, 4years is the highest I can go. We know each other for a year plus, by the 2nd year put a ring my finger already, by the third year we have over a year to plan(with God’s help) our wedding and by the fourth year can we just get to the altar already. If you need more than a year to get to know me before you propose, then we both are unreal to each other.

A friend of mine on my BBM and I were chatting and I asked if her boyfriend had proposed and she said “No. He’s taking his time,we don’t want to rush into anything”. What I could deduce from those words were ‘Nne what can I do? I’ve been begging him for a ring,biko I’ve left him to God’. They have been dating for over 7years without a break. Seriously? Another friend of mine wants a child from his girlfriend he adores and loves so much but he too is taking his time. May I ask, WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? If you say you are not ready,why ask her out in the first place? And if you say it’s money, why not work hard,save up then ask the young lady out? Men, stop wasting our time, lives and emotions. Do you want us to be worn out early in marriage(to you or not)? It is true that women know in less than 6months if the man she’s with is husband ‘fabric’,why do guys need 5years for this? Is this how long it took you before you put Unilag as your first choice? Is this how long it took you before you moved out of your parents’ house? Is this how long it took you to know that Jesus Christ is Lord? Then why the wait? Please step up your game and put a ring on it. She warms your bed, cooks your food, does your laundry,cleans your house, talks to your mother and sisters, attends family functions in aso ebi with you, you might as well just MARRY HER.

Young ladies, pregnancy is not the way to speed up a proposal. Ask that man who is interested in you what his plans are. State it from the beginning that you don’t want a courtship as long as Bourdillon road and as old as Yaba. Then again, if you don’t mind spending more than 4years with your man, know that you are setting yourself up for depression.
Today, let’s just say I am slightly worried about this long relationships happening everywhere, the new fad it seems. I may not have the perfect of relationships, I may not be a professional writer or counselor, I may be too weird in my thinking but if there’s one thing you must know ladies,is that THERMOCHIC is saying NO TO METHUSELAH COURTSHIP……(lol)

After All Said and Done

Sue me for wanting a tall,dark and handsome man. Michael was all of this and a bag of chips more. He had a mad sense of humor and the sarcasm of ‘Dr House’. Very creative and very brilliant. I loved him,as well as his imperfections. Everyone thought we fought a lot and shouldn’t be together but our compatibility and GREAT SEX(big grin) kept us together. We loved the same things-movies,music,art,fashion, even had common friends around the country. He introduced me to his family as the girl he’d love to walk down the isle with,his mum knew me,everyone knew me. I could tell he was serious about us. My friends called him a loser because each time we broke up in the past,it was because of his imperfections and I always went back to him. I always thought the ‘good times’ outweighed the bad. Besides, I didn’t believe in referring to a man as ‘vomit’ as an Ex is being called in these parts. I loved him in the good and in the bad.

Michael is a man of his words so whenever he said ‘I love you’, I believed him. I loved the way he would shut his laptop,lock his fingers and listen to how my day went. He ate all my ‘catering practicals’, LoL. Michael loved everything about me,this I could tell, Until when I became closer to God. I knew being with Michael would cost me my salvation. You see,I desperately wanted(and still want) to make heaven and I knew each time we made love,I was an inch closer to the creeks of hell. I knew this. I had dreams of life after ‘THE END’ more than seven times. I was feared to be left behind but I loved Michael so much that I unconsciously accepted that if we both don’t make heaven,we would make the ‘second’ flight to heaven together and go through tribulation together. Freaky right? I know. I got to church one morning and I prayed to God to separate me from whatever won’t let me make Heaven. I never envisaged Michael in that category.( The grip that young man had on me).

I defended the love I had for him in the eyes of family and friends and just when I had done that, we had a misunderstanding and the truth came out. He told me how he truly felt about me. It was my fault though and I apologized over and over again and asked for a chance to change. He wouldn’t have it. He told me he ‘claimed to love me’, he said he would rather let me hate him for the rest of my life and his,than to be in a relationship with me. That was it. I made a little mistake which had nothing to do with cheating,stealing,lying,deceit and the likes- it was a flaw in my character that could easily have been worked on. He let me go just like that! So I sat still and cried painful tears unto God to take this pain from me and comfort me. I felt like I had a hole in my heart. My sweet lord it was unbearable.

And God spoke to me,he said ‘TRUST ME,YOU KNOW ITS FOR YOUR GOOD’. I heard him clearly. Years back, I would be mad at God when a guy broke up with me because I was a product of a broken home and I felt I desperately needed to be loved. This time,all I could do was sing praises to God. I cried as I worshipped God and I told him I would trust him. I trust God to bring me a man after his own heart. A man that would fear when I say ‘I’l report you to God’. So I vowed to be celibate. It’s not an easy task AT ALL especially for one who loves sex(covers face). Well…. There are lessons to be learnt.

1• Never love a man more than he loves you. We can never love God more than he loves us. It is the duty of the man to love you. We should love right back but our own is to be submissive especially.

2• Never stay with a man who is scared of commitment. The signs would always be there. Michael and I talked about wedding,marriage,kids,projects,future but he couldn’t pop the question. I should have known.

3• Invite God into your relationship. You can’t ask God to take the wheel of your life and not your relationship. Let him help you.

4• I learnt that God will viciously and passionately separate you from what seems to be taking his place. He isn’t called a jealous God for nothing.

5• I also learnt that he does ANSWER prayers.

6• Never marry a man who isn’t making you better.

7• A good man will love you in the good and bad

8. Compatibility doesn’t guarantee a good marriage.

9• Good sex doesn’t guarantee happiness in marriage. There are things sex won’t sort out for you.

10• If you have a flaw in character,accept it and change

11• After he dumps you, learn your lessons,wait for the next while trusting God

The essence of this post is to encourage someone out there who desperately wants to please God but finds it difficult to leave the ‘workings’ of the flesh. I have been there and by the blood of Jesus,I will NEVER give my body or even my tears to a man not my husband ‘cos at the end of the day I will loose my dignity and get hurt while the dude goes about humping others and achieving his goals. You can do ALL things through christ. So check yourself and who you are with right now, is your relationship taking you one step to the gates of heaven or the suburbs of hell?

The Shadowy Secrets of Sexual Brokenness

When it comes to Sex,as much as it pleasures temporarily,it also brings pain and brokenness. I know this note of mine would throw a spotlight on someone’s sexual history. The truth must be said comfortable or not. Many youths especially women are sexually wounded and I don’t mean physical injuries,I mean Psychological,emotional and mental injuries.No matter what we manage to keep covered up,GOD sees everythn about us including our sexual acting out.I’m not writing this for writing sake,I want to proclaim from the beginning a reality I have seen at work in the most painful circumstances.

God’s plan is to make us whole,whenever we get broken,he wants to straighten our crooked thinking,porn addiction,Gay attraction,sexual neediness,one-night-stand-desires…And guess what? God does what he promises.He’l cover your shame and heal you. God’s sexual best for us is PURITY if we are single and faithful,loving intimacy when we’re married. I know people who use Sex compulsively to control others or mask pain,God can heal you. How do we want to protect our daughters if their mothers who are supposed to be their role model,never stayed a virgin? We now live in a world where the virgins are mocked by the ‘used'(LOL)..Sad but true.

The first thing that makes us sexually immoral is the need to be loved. We want to feel special,or distract ourselves from pain or we are simply victims of a culture that proclaims it difficult to live a full life without sex and that sex between consenting adults is no big deal.ALL LIES FROM HELL. Some of us get into it cos we are bored,craving someone’s arms. The wages of all of these and more is DEATH.. Fight this sin,fight this shame. Be honest with yourself and GOD,confess these issues to GOD,repent and ask for guidance and healing.

I used to feel like a damaged item but Old things have gone by,behold all things are made new. I’m a new being in Christ Jesus. My past is not my future. You don’t have to sleep with that man or woman to prove your love,you don’t have to show that man or woman that you are a master in the art of sex. Save yourself for marriage.it’s TOUGH (I know this) but you can do it. Don’t let a 3min satisfaction be what won’t let you make heaven.