I Saw A Beautiful Soul.

The scorching sun shone fiercely that fateful Tuesday. I had to go to the bank quickly. The driver pulled up at the bank, I adjusted my outfit tucking in my blouse,sucking my bulging tummy in as I ran my fingers through my hair to flatten it out. The stench at the bank was toxic to the point of slight shortness of breath. I reached into my bag and got out my hand lotion, as I rubbed both palms together, I looked towards my right and saw this cashier. She was something but not from a magazine. Her hair looked like inter-twined jute bags buried in the earth. From where I stood I saw the brown flaky clusters at the corner of her head. She had no weight anywhere, malnourished-looking.Her skin was terribly dark and unappealing like the descriptions of the nomad in Cyprian Ekwensi’s “The Passport of Mallam Ilia”. No matter what lotion she managed to pamper her skin with, I was most certain it would never glow.Her fingers, oh! her fingers were shrivelled looking, fragile and totally unhealthy. Her nails looked terribly unkempt, unpainted and generally not a sight to behold.

It got to my turn and I saw her dentition protruding like they were gasping for breath. What came to mind was the image of the first man I had seen in my younger years at school.I wondered how in  heaven’s name this work of art gained employment with such a reputable bank. I was so confused as I stared at her.

Then I saw it.  On her 2nd finger, left hand, a wedding band. HOW? NOT POSSIBLE. WHAT????She’s married? Interesting. There I was thinking Ruby woo was the perfect shade for my lips, Colgate was the best tooth paste for my fragile dentition and Shea moisture was the perfect body soap. There was someone an arms-length away from me who probably doesn’t use any of these items but is soooo married. I couldn’t understand it. I looked puzzled as she assisted with my transaction but I left the bank fully aware of the awesomeness of God. She was God’s creation, His child, His daughter. She was perfect in God’s eyes and she was married. MARRIED. And here I was thinking my current state of being unmarried is probably from the village (na so ). Truth be told, the Holy Spirit answered me saying ” she has a beautiful soul“. And I agree 100%. She was perfect to her husband to the point he knelt down on one knee and gave her a ring. She was perfect to the point that he didn’t need to bail on her at the altar. She’s desirable to him and they probably have kids as evidence. Her husband wakes up every morning to this sight every day. Then why waste so much time and money dressing the outward rather than adding value to the inward. We spend so much time hunting for how to attract a man with our outward and forget most of the time, what keeps a man is what is within. 1Peter 3:3-4 says- Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight”. We’ve heard or read this part of the scripture countless times but never take out time to digest and apply it. A question comes to mind, how do we become beautiful within? And how do we keep at it? Isaiah 28 v 5 , claims the only way to be truly beautiful is to have God’s glory  upon us. When His glory is bestowed upon us, we have no choice but to go about ‘doing good’. If we share God’s love to one another, we are automatically reflecting outwardly, what is on our inside- Isaiah 52 v 7.

God’s love is so beautiful even though our hearts be cloaked in sin, he still finds us attractive. Attractive enough to bless us over and over again.

So as a single lady, I decided to take a step back and reflect on certain past actions and now I’m begging God to make me beautiful on the inside. God loves me even when I do wrong and push Him away. No mortal can love like this. That’s the idea of a perfect relationship. I have to be attractive to God, my lifestyle should speak God and attract Him to bring blessings my way and get me to do His bidding..Yea, quite a number of people go “you ‘re so beautiful” / your skin is lovely / you are hot etc. I don’t want it to end there… I’m more than that.

I wanna be seen as wise, patient, kind(this is such a huge task bearing in mind my degree in sarcasm and being a meanie), soft spoken,resourceful , prayerful, etc and prove God right to my peers who think beauty starts from the South American hair and end with the Gel-nail polish. I want to meet a man and have him say ‘Have you heard my babe speak” and not “have you seen my sexy babe“.  It had always been the other way round where I have to show cleavage, the human hair, wear heels, red lipstick (an addiction) to gain a man’s interest. For how long do you want to do this and ignore character building.

Make your single years count. Be closer to God like your life depends on it. Acquire the beauty expected of you so when that dude comes along, he can fulfill scriptures because he would have found a ‘good thing‘ and favor is his.

I have incredible friends now, who don’t know how much they’ve touched me in such a short while every Wednesday (currently my favorite day of the week). With their help, I know better now. So today I’m starting a daily prayer -(pray it if you can) “Lord, take away my outward  beauty and illuminate my inward beauty so the right man will see me,genuinely fall in love( real love WITHOUT SEX) and would not have to wait for so long before he asks me to be his forever. I will trust you. I would not scream at you Lord in the name of prayer, I would no longer cry at night, I will trust you. Help me to trust you(is it possible Lord to still have my yellow skin? Juz’ asking)… I will trust your decision . So help me God”.

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As a Nigerian, I can’t be like ‘RUTH’.

Scrolling through my recent BBM feeds, I came across Elbama’s instagram photo(See below). At first I didn’t care what the pix meant until about 5mins later it got to me. It seemed that the person who created that photo was in total support of a woman making her intentions known to a man first and asking him out on a date. He stood for a vast majority of Nigerian men who shared the same school of thought.
I remember when i met this fine young man a few years back. We exchanged numbers and we started what i thought was a very happy FRIENDSHIP. At some point I wanted more and often wondered why he wouldn’t ask me to be his girlfriend. I struggled emotionally with this up until the night I decided to take the bull by its horns. I invited him for dinner to set the mood right(As a sharp babe). Then I interrupted his conversation and blurted out “Would you be my boyfriend?”… shocked to his toe nails, he asked “where did that come from“? I replied ” I like you a whole lot Nonso (fake name though), you make me laugh and put me on the path to be better. Everyday with you is a slice of heaven and I want that every time. With you, I am ME everyday and you have a special way of making me feel sexy…” bla bla bla. Nonso sat there looking like he just saw two girls making out(every guy’s fantasy) and I sat there feeling weird for being forward and putting my feelings on the table but I also felt cool like a disciple of Shakespeare with those lines of mine. Nonso mentioned how excited he was I was able to get my feelings out and he replied “The feeling is mutual“. Which bloody mutual? After all I said, is that what he could come up with? Being the psycho-analyst that I am, my analysis of words can be classified as my own ‘high‘. I analyzed those words of his and began to have the feeling my being open was the reason for this. I watched Nonso become distant from me over the following days and an accidental comment from his friend confirmed this.
I met his friend at the store and told him how Nonso had been distant, he laughed uncontrollably. I felt so embarrassed ‘cos as he was having his good lengthy laugh, I stood there feeling awkward. He held my left shoulder and told me that I had messed up by being forward and throwing my romantic words at Nonso. He accused me of reading too many books and watching romantic movies (romantic movies suck!!!). I left the punk feeling hurt but mostly mad at myself for being open to Nonso. Of ‘cos we didn’t date anymore, I messed up everything or maybe not(I liked him sha)

Today, I really read the story of Ruth and wondered how she would have thrived with these Nigerian men who think that a woman is spooky or cheap for asking a guy out on a date. Although I once dated a guy for 4years whom I asked out. When it ended(my fault though)over such a trivial issue that wasn’t a cheating case, I realized I was the one fighting for a come-back but it never happened. He didn’t want it. Perhaps things would have been different if he had asked me out initially. Maybe or may be not.
Back to Ruth. I refuse to believe Ruth having stayed for so long in Bethlehem had not scoped the city for eligible bachelors. She had no child and she was young. Why would she not want to remarry? Why follow Naomi if she didn’t have the intention of still being married into the same family? She must have sighted Boaz in the city square and heard a few gossips here and there. The she decides to work in his fields (how convenient Ruthy) Now tell me, if I tell you I want to work in a company because I like its bachelor owner and can become his wife, won’t you call me a BAD CHIC or a CRAZY CHIC?? Naomi decides to help Ruth make a move on Boaz and she agreed. Ruth had a choice of modestly refusing but Alas!!!… Naughty Ruth who appears to be a saint decides to make a move on Boaz and gets into his room. He sees her early hours of the morning and rather than talk about the stars and sheep, she begs him to take her for a wife(Chai! Madam RUTH!!!). Imagine a Nigerian woman in her mid 30’s begging a man to marry her, he’d probably say “ I’m taking my time” or probably feel she has a chronic disease. Imagine a girl in her mid 20’s doing the same, he’d probably ask “what’s the rush?”. Every woman loves the idea of being chased and the man being the winner of the prize but the truth is, no man wants a woman to come forth to beg for marriage. Society would tag her cheap and DESPERATE!!! The dispensation of Ruth and Queen Esther is long gone. Nigerian men want to be egoistic in their search for a girlfriend or a wife(depending on their priorities). No Nigerian woman wants to be tagged cheap and desperate. Our society mocks the bold and courageous woman who can do it, Unlike Amrika American chics who receive an applause for this. How? Don’t let me start with a speech on culture and Land of the free bla bla bla… As much as being blunt and open and seems admirable to some select Nigerian men, it’s always considered dangerous when a woman tends to be the forward one in a case of “Boy-meets-girl” , she can be taken for granted 98% of the time. Wanna risk it?

Dear Nigerian single women, don’t be pushed by DPs of this nature or words from different angles of society. A man must find you, chase you and ask you to be his. there’s no code-of-conduct to this just one of the silent laws of Human Nature. Keep your emotions to yourself until you are sure it’s okay to say how you feel which should be done in response to a guy’s feelings towards you. Don’t cheapen thyself into asking him out on a date or for marriage. I prefer mind games(I’m quite a champion at this) into getting the information I need. Think about it, Won’t it be sweeter if we had to say ” after all you begged me to marry you” rather than the other way round?

The Shadowy Secrets of Sexual Brokenness

When it comes to Sex,as much as it pleasures temporarily,it also brings pain and brokenness. I know this note of mine would throw a spotlight on someone’s sexual history. The truth must be said comfortable or not. Many youths especially women are sexually wounded and I don’t mean physical injuries,I mean Psychological,emotional and mental injuries.No matter what we manage to keep covered up,GOD sees everythn about us including our sexual acting out.I’m not writing this for writing sake,I want to proclaim from the beginning a reality I have seen at work in the most painful circumstances.

God’s plan is to make us whole,whenever we get broken,he wants to straighten our crooked thinking,porn addiction,Gay attraction,sexual neediness,one-night-stand-desires…And guess what? God does what he promises.He’l cover your shame and heal you. God’s sexual best for us is PURITY if we are single and faithful,loving intimacy when we’re married. I know people who use Sex compulsively to control others or mask pain,God can heal you. How do we want to protect our daughters if their mothers who are supposed to be their role model,never stayed a virgin? We now live in a world where the virgins are mocked by the ‘used'(LOL)..Sad but true.

The first thing that makes us sexually immoral is the need to be loved. We want to feel special,or distract ourselves from pain or we are simply victims of a culture that proclaims it difficult to live a full life without sex and that sex between consenting adults is no big deal.ALL LIES FROM HELL. Some of us get into it cos we are bored,craving someone’s arms. The wages of all of these and more is DEATH.. Fight this sin,fight this shame. Be honest with yourself and GOD,confess these issues to GOD,repent and ask for guidance and healing.

I used to feel like a damaged item but Old things have gone by,behold all things are made new. I’m a new being in Christ Jesus. My past is not my future. You don’t have to sleep with that man or woman to prove your love,you don’t have to show that man or woman that you are a master in the art of sex. Save yourself for marriage.it’s TOUGH (I know this) but you can do it. Don’t let a 3min satisfaction be what won’t let you make heaven.