So this is what being in your 30s looks like. This is what it means to thoroughly think through decisions and make only the ones that would affect me positively through the coming years. Now I think of the kind of men that could be coming, the kind of men that I dated and the kind of men that are around me now. The men around me now seem more mature than the men I met while in my bloody 20s. My thoughts though! For real, the men now want the same thing: Sex, Sex, Sex and more Sex. They come up with different tactics to get this. Just one or two that probably want a relationship but then they get impatient and jet-out leaving you wondering what their intentions were in the first place.
These days my hormones seem to be all over the place and with palms to my cheeks I wonder why it’s harder to find a good man to be with in my 30s than my bloody 20s. The nights have become lonely with tears of me wanting the breath from a strong, handsome man down my neckline and back. Hands around my waist assuring me that tomorrow will be a better day or just a call to that ‘beautiful man’ nagging about my work, my annoying sisters or my best friends. If there’s one thing I have come to notice, at 30 a lot of men will hover around you and leave you to time and chance. They let you think something must be wrong with you by being mute about their intentions towards you. Then you take these men unconsciously with you through your 30s and before you know it, BAAAAM!!! 40! And very much single.

I met this guy I’ll refer to as ‘Mr O’ .  A tall, handsome, single man with an Einstein brain for making money. He’s everything a girl could ask for and a bag of Chips but he’s a very stereotyped Igbo man. Only a few would understand his person. You can’t tell Mr.O to try something new, he would give you 7 reasons why his choice stands. Strange that someone as uptight as Mr O can have a healthy sense of humor. Strange. The problem with Mr.O is, he is very slow and meticulous. He takes his time in studying people and most times I feel like I’m under his microscope waiting for various experiments to happen to test my patience. Many months have gone by and I wonder why he hasn’t stepped a foot forward to ask me out. What could he possibly be looking for in me? And if I wasn’t his type, why won’ he just free me and move on to the next woman?

Another one, ‘Yoruba guy’ who doesn’t know what to do with me cos we are so much alike. Yoruba guy is another fine, smart, single dude. The social media guy. One I can totally date but being so much alike, we quarreled a lot. The chemistry is amazing but we both know nothing can come out from our union. Someone might just die (LOL) but he won’t GO!!! Why? It’s beyond me.

Then there’s ‘Slim‘, who left me for another girl his heart yearned for. Things having not worked out between them got him back in my nest and I have no idea what he wants now.

Oh yea!! The shy ‘Business man’ who’s in love with me but finds it hard to express himself……

Geez!!!! Don’t get me wrong, I feel there’s more for me out there and not necessarily any one of the male scenarios up there but in a situation whereby I have these men around me, I can only ask in pidgin English- “How I wan see road’? How do I see others out there? How do I meet THE ONE? Could any one of these men be the chosen one? Why do men hover around women without saying what they want? They just want to be there and act like they are already in a relationship with you without your knowledge. They tell you things like Hey Baby, I miss you , Let’s take each day as it comes, Let’s start as being good friends, Why haven’t you replied my pings all day , You have gone cold suddenly, I like you a lot , And you would make a good wife o ….  Life would be a lot easier if men stated their intentions and women respond according. Don’t waste her time hovering around like a monkey and unconsciously confusing the next man who might have better intentions. Quit making her feel like she’s yours when you’ve done nothing to make her yours. Own her. STEP FORWARD, SPEAK OUT,state your case. What’s the worse that she could say- YES or NO? While I’ve decided to wait for the one whose heart and mine will beat as one, I will begin the week by getting rid of the male-hovers around me. All of you must go. In case you fall under this category, speak now and let me give you my final answer. You might think Age is nothing but a number but someone also said-Time waits for nobody.  I rest my case.




  1. “They just want to be there and act like they are already in a relationship with you without your knowledge.” THIS!!! Meanwhile they’re not! And you both know it. They even sometime form annoyance when you get certain phone calls or visit,gift et al,from their fellow men!
    This is just ONE of the many things that guys do these days that just drives me crazy! Go,mba! Stay,mba! Rather they’d stand in the doorway,not letting prospectives in,not using the door themselves,not letting you go too! Like you asked,abeg HOW I wan take see road na!?!
    E no go better for time wasters in one’s 30s o! When you even try to talk about it with them,youre tagged nag,desperate,forward & what not! Wo,my threshold for nonsense is at it’s thinnest such that,if you’re not forthcoming with your intentions after a said while,na your spirit & soul go telephone you to tell you “oh boy that girl has dumped you & sailed o” no word,no sign,no “let’s talk..”, I just up & D-I-S-A-P-P-E-A-R,as fast as lightning,because e go be Satan send you so,for you to come and ruin my life like that.

    Guys,STEP UP,OWN Up to your feelings or the lack of it,or BOUNCE like a wrecking ball, and not just sit on a young woman’s destiny like a spirit husband abeg!

  2. well said Thelma, I think its apparent that some are very much afraid abt the answer that they’d get but its still lame if u cant man up to ur desires by declaring them . there’s this particular one I have who’s always shy and am like bro aint holding you, he says things and go did I actually say that ,I get it cud be annoying but then its still stupid, guess what I decided to play it bk on him too when he said I missed u ,I roared with laughter saying that, dude u mistaken or does her name begins with d same alphabet as mine but he said a NO! I know who am talking to *suspicious* though lolz

  3. Well spoken.. i’m gonna use myself as an example to comment on dis. My relationship was a luv @ 1st sight nd i’ve bin in dis relationship 4 3yrs now. B4 I met my babe, I was in a relationship, but coz of d connection nd wat I felt at dat moment, I just had to make up my mind dat she(my boo) is d 1 I’ll marry. My point ere is dat, u nid dat immediate connection to d guy who approaches u. It comes from within. Ur spirit will just accept him automatically. Note: guys r now smarter Dan b4, i.e we don’t nid to spend to get wat we want. So my advise Is to connect with d internal rather Dan d physical. Thank u.

  4. Nawa o! See how men dey unconsciously disgrace & embarrass us before women. This is too bad. As a man, I am ashamed of these men so described.However, as a man, I can understand these behavioral patterns. In my own understanding,I would say that, first of all, generally there is something they all waiting for-similar among them or different individually. Whatever it is, they are not sure of. So 1. it causes fear, especially, if he has a history of failed relationship and being at the receiving end, he blames himself for rushing into it in full gear 5 at 200km/h. You can imagine the heart-wreck if the brakes fail and he suddenly heads into a rock.(MEN ARE HYPER-EMOTIONAL BUT WE DONT SHOW IT, AND NOT ALL WOMEN ARE ANGELS) So he doesn’t declare (so soon) thereby playing safe, and of course, wasting you time. 2. he becomes confused about what he wants, especially if he has multiple expectations from a woman he loves but does not know how to tailor them according to priority in his mode of assessment. So he silently judges at random. Even if she does something he doesn’t like or even hates, he pretends all is well just because he likes her even if he’s probably sure she’s not the one for him. So he hangs around till another woman comes along…and of course time wasted. Hmmm! You may say I’m playing the men’s advocate. Not really. I’m just exposing few of the numerous issues that play in hearts and minds as men. Ok. Let me stop here and face you woman. I will boldly say you allow these men to hover around you for too long. cos it’s a matter of choice. You can find out a man’s intentions without waiting for him to spell it out first and without him even knowing that you’ve deciphered him already. I believe you should have your ways around that. For example, you can indirectly, especially if he’s in a happy mood, ask him what is his thoughts about certain issues. Don’t make it look like the topic of discussion. Let it be an in-between offshoot in an entirely different or slightly similar topic… Or you could go all out and sit him down and ask him what he wants and what are his intentions(MOST MEN DREAD THAT< ESPECIALLY, IF U TAKE THEM UNAWARE). From his general way of answering you, you should be able to read his body language; read in-between the line; know whether he's telling the truth or not; whether he's ready or not sure; whether he's confident or afraid. Whatever you deduce from his general mode of answering, ask your next question in that line to clarify your doubts. if ou are not satisfied, give him a deadline. Do not consider anything you love about him cos at this point you have to take charge. I may be wrong, I may be right but this is what I would advice my blood sister.

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