“LOVE HIS LANGUAGE”

ImageHAPPY NEW YEAR FRIENDS!!!!!

Amazing things have happened to me since my last post, Family, Spiritually, with close friends, projects, relationship. Yes! I said RELATIONSHIP. I’m in a relationship with a fine young man. It’s been an amazing journey but I remember the prayers

I made to God before he came along. I practically nagged God ‘cos I told him how
lonely I was and reminded him that he created me with so much emotion. I was
so lonely I started talking to myself every night. God must have been so tired of
my prayers and my guardian angel soliciting for me that he had no option but
to bless me. I’m sure my ‘BABE’ won’t want me spilling the story of how we began
dating but it’s been a strange and refreshing journey because I thought I loved in
the past but now I know I didn’t. I know what love is. Love is a VERB. Don’t get me
wrong here please! I don’t want to sound like I have everything on relationship
all figured out, I am learning just the same way as you are. I have come to realize
that God channels his love through different people, so BABE is simply channeling
God’s love to me. There I was wondering if I could find someone that would love
me and If I could love again after all that went down last year*Sigh* God played
a fast one on me and I’m enjoying it. Even if things don’t lead to marriage with
BABE and me, I know deep down in my heart what love is and wouldn’t settle
for less in my next relationship. I guess the most difficult thing in a relationship is
knowing each other’s LOVE LANGUAGE. Thanks to Gary Chapman the author of
5 LOVE LANGUAGES (please get this book), I know how I should show love and
most importantly how to receive it. Yea! Yea! We know Love is kind, patient, and
so on, BUT we should know how to love that MAN of ours in these modern times
if we want to keep him. Have you taken out time to study his LOVE LANGUAGE?
Just in case you do not know what Gary Chapman means by LOVE LANGUAGES,
it means those things we need the other person (in a relationship or marriage) to
do, to prove to us that we are loved. The 5 Love languages are PHYSICAL TOUCH,
QUALITY TIME, GIFTS, WORDS OF AFFIRMATION, And ACTS OF SERVICE.

It is important that we learn this early so it’s not too foreign, not too difficult
and not too late for us in marriage. These love languages are for both Men and
Women but this post is for the dudes.

PHYSICAL TOUCH: He’s driving or you both are walking along the beach or your
street, hold his hand, touch his face, and give him occasional pecks, regular hugs,
playful punches ….. It may not mean anything to you but to him he feels you are
thinking of him or you can’t just do without him (even if you probably can). It
sends an emotional signal only he understands. It’s a continuous process ladies
and not a one week practice.

QUALITY TIME: take him out for lunch or dinner. Go visit with popcorn and a
movie, go swimming, join him in watching soccer or play basket ball with his
friends, take him to the beach for a sandy stroll by the shore… Be creative. If you
cannot do this in your relationship, you’ll find it difficult in marriage. Let’s stop
being selfish divas.

WORDS OF AFFIRMATION: Some men grow up feeling not good enough for
their parents. Like everything they did never pleased them. The need to be
appreciated beckons reason why when they are in a relationship, they want to
be appreciated for every efforts made. So get off your high horses women and
use words like ‘You did great’, ‘that was amazing’, ‘you are brilliant’, ‘I appreciate
you’, ‘I love the way you….’, ‘ you are the greatest’(even if he’s not). Make his ego
feel a lot better by these words. Give him a daily dose of this and watch what he
does for you.

ACTS OF SERVICE: Personally I think this particular language cannot be that of a
Nigerian man (lol) and it is more of a woman’s language than a man but let me
just say what It entails. There are men who want you to do certain things for
them to show you love them. Take out the trash, clean up the house, the kitchen,
help him shop, make a nice meal help with bank errands and all… Those who
have this language need to see (literally) the love you have for them. My problem
with this particular love language is that some men take advantage of this which
automatically makes the woman in question an EKAETTE (local house help).

I would send packing any Nigerian man who has this love language (or maybe
not…Lol)

GIFTS: This love language is not for us alone. We live in an era where only the
guys do the buying of the gifts- Christmas, New Year, Birthday, Valentine, Easter,
worker’s holiday, independence day etc. That’s just not fair. Get him a gift just
because you love him on a rugged Monday morning. A gift shouldn’t be expensive
so don’t say you don’t have money. I know we can go overboard when we want
to buy stuff for the men in our lives but we can go low key with T-shirts, wrist
band, socks, after-shave, pedicure set, belts, books, cufflinks ….. Just give him
something that would make him know you think of him. Remember ladies, ‘GIVE
and it will come back to you’. Practice this monthly or weekly, according to your
pocket. Don’t overdo it so you don’t go broke. Please.

Ladies, take out time to study him and find out what his love language is and work
it out in peace and purity of heart and body. Guide him tenderly in knowing your
own love language too. We all need our love tank to be filled by the primary love
language that best describes us so don’t love him in your own language but his.
Not all men interpret SEX to be their primary love languge. OK? It will take a while
but be dedicated in working it out. Don’t do it because you want to keep him, do
it because it will help you communicate better in a relationship regardless of who
the dude is. When you learn to speak love languages that you are not necessarily
comfortable with, you are showing a form of selfless love that speaks for itself. It
shows you are genuine and your love is real. I am still in the process of learning
BABE’s Love language and MY GOD! It is hard because it’s not something I can
easily do. We both grew up without toys and while he wants to be pampered, I
want to be left alone (crazy huh?). I have to learn to love BABE selflessly, not for
him but for myself. It gives me a glimpse of how God loves me. Let’s us all try and
love differently this year, a love that is NOT selfish but selfless, a love that isn’t
just in words but in ACTION, a love which isn’t a NOUN but a VERB. I’m ready, are
you?