After All Said and Done

Sue me for wanting a tall,dark and handsome man. Michael was all of this and a bag of chips more. He had a mad sense of humor and the sarcasm of ‘Dr House’. Very creative and very brilliant. I loved him,as well as his imperfections. Everyone thought we fought a lot and shouldn’t be together but our compatibility and GREAT SEX(big grin) kept us together. We loved the same things-movies,music,art,fashion, even had common friends around the country. He introduced me to his family as the girl he’d love to walk down the isle with,his mum knew me,everyone knew me. I could tell he was serious about us. My friends called him a loser because each time we broke up in the past,it was because of his imperfections and I always went back to him. I always thought the ‘good times’ outweighed the bad. Besides, I didn’t believe in referring to a man as ‘vomit’ as an Ex is being called in these parts. I loved him in the good and in the bad.

Michael is a man of his words so whenever he said ‘I love you’, I believed him. I loved the way he would shut his laptop,lock his fingers and listen to how my day went. He ate all my ‘catering practicals’, LoL. Michael loved everything about me,this I could tell, Until when I became closer to God. I knew being with Michael would cost me my salvation. You see,I desperately wanted(and still want) to make heaven and I knew each time we made love,I was an inch closer to the creeks of hell. I knew this. I had dreams of life after ‘THE END’ more than seven times. I was feared to be left behind but I loved Michael so much that I unconsciously accepted that if we both don’t make heaven,we would make the ‘second’ flight to heaven together and go through tribulation together. Freaky right? I know. I got to church one morning and I prayed to God to separate me from whatever won’t let me make Heaven. I never envisaged Michael in that category.( The grip that young man had on me).

I defended the love I had for him in the eyes of family and friends and just when I had done that, we had a misunderstanding and the truth came out. He told me how he truly felt about me. It was my fault though and I apologized over and over again and asked for a chance to change. He wouldn’t have it. He told me he ‘claimed to love me’, he said he would rather let me hate him for the rest of my life and his,than to be in a relationship with me. That was it. I made a little mistake which had nothing to do with cheating,stealing,lying,deceit and the likes- it was a flaw in my character that could easily have been worked on. He let me go just like that! So I sat still and cried painful tears unto God to take this pain from me and comfort me. I felt like I had a hole in my heart. My sweet lord it was unbearable.

And God spoke to me,he said ‘TRUST ME,YOU KNOW ITS FOR YOUR GOOD’. I heard him clearly. Years back, I would be mad at God when a guy broke up with me because I was a product of a broken home and I felt I desperately needed to be loved. This time,all I could do was sing praises to God. I cried as I worshipped God and I told him I would trust him. I trust God to bring me a man after his own heart. A man that would fear when I say ‘I’l report you to God’. So I vowed to be celibate. It’s not an easy task AT ALL especially for one who loves sex(covers face). Well…. There are lessons to be learnt.

1• Never love a man more than he loves you. We can never love God more than he loves us. It is the duty of the man to love you. We should love right back but our own is to be submissive especially.

2• Never stay with a man who is scared of commitment. The signs would always be there. Michael and I talked about wedding,marriage,kids,projects,future but he couldn’t pop the question. I should have known.

3• Invite God into your relationship. You can’t ask God to take the wheel of your life and not your relationship. Let him help you.

4• I learnt that God will viciously and passionately separate you from what seems to be taking his place. He isn’t called a jealous God for nothing.

5• I also learnt that he does ANSWER prayers.

6• Never marry a man who isn’t making you better.

7• A good man will love you in the good and bad

8. Compatibility doesn’t guarantee a good marriage.

9• Good sex doesn’t guarantee happiness in marriage. There are things sex won’t sort out for you.

10• If you have a flaw in character,accept it and change

11• After he dumps you, learn your lessons,wait for the next while trusting God

The essence of this post is to encourage someone out there who desperately wants to please God but finds it difficult to leave the ‘workings’ of the flesh. I have been there and by the blood of Jesus,I will NEVER give my body or even my tears to a man not my husband ‘cos at the end of the day I will loose my dignity and get hurt while the dude goes about humping others and achieving his goals. You can do ALL things through christ. So check yourself and who you are with right now, is your relationship taking you one step to the gates of heaven or the suburbs of hell?